raise the common denominator

My Sister for President #novpad Day 22

Day 22 - Write a "take a stand" poem

 

My Sister for President

If elected,
my sister supports
chocolate cake
for breakfast,
state fairs,
mandatory
four-day
weekends,
and cleaning up
your own messes.
She has my vote.

Mother's Day Morning Walk

Walking the dogs this morning.

Skinny moon in a blue sky.

Frost on the roof.

Cardinals and doves share

A Mother's Day serenade.

When life gives you whipped topping...

I know what I'm supposed  to do when life gives me lemons. But what about whipped topping?

We hosted many family members this past weekend for festivities that included a huge Sunday meal of my wife Susan's amazing baked ziti.

This meant leftover ziti for my Monday lunch. Yum!

Trying to get a head start on the week, Susan packed my Monday ziti in an empty Cool Whip container.

But something happened on the way to the office. Famished, I prepped for my late lunch. Cool Whip container in front of me. Fork in had. I flipped off the lid and prepared to dive into leftover-ziti bliss, only to discover instead of the pasta my container was filled with white, fluffy Cool Whip!

I  filled myself that lunch hour with ample portions of laughter and smiles. Much more nourishing. And the ziti made for a great Monday supper!

360-degree parenting

Our son turns 12 next month. He's amazing. As I've told him since his first day on earth, he's my hero. I've learned so much about life, courage, friendship and strength by being his dad.

Still, I'm conscious that with the preteen and teen years come waves of change within him and likely to our relationship. My goal is to ensure the core way we treat each other, love each other and listen to each other remains strong and even grows stronger. This new adventure will be the best yet.

Reflecting on this, I went back to thoughts on parenting I'd written down about five years ago:

360-degree parenting

If we teach our children to fear us, we must accept that this fear may evolve into hate. If we teach our children intolerance, we must realize that someday they may not tolerate us. If we fail to listen to our children, we must understand that one day they may stop listening to us.

Remember, we are raising people. Measure our discipline with respect. Challenge ourselves to be better parents. Ask for help when we need it. Realize that we will make mistakes. Bask in the innocent, forgiving nature of our children. They don't expect us to be perfect. They do anticipate our love.

The poisonous practice of name calling

We've had a rule in our home since my wife and I married, even before our son was born. It's a simple rule: no name calling. It doesn't matter if we're talking to each other or about someone else -- we will not call names.

It's not as if the name itself is hurtful -- though it can be. It's the intention behind the name or label. It's also the residual effect of name calling on both the person calling names and the one being labeled.

If I go through our relationship  calling you "stupid," "ugly," "dumb," or any other commonly tossed-about label, you may start to feel that something is wrong with you. And as the name caller, I become emboldened by your acceptance  of my negative behavior. I may start to call you names more often. The names may change and become more negative. I may feel like I can do other types of damage to your self image or even your person.

Name calling  creates poison energy in our homes, our schools and our community. Not to mention society at large. Just ask Don Imus.

Years ago I used to listen to his radio program, often enthralled by the political and literary discussions. But in between all the engaging discourse, I'd hear his coarse humor, often targeting women and minorities and cringe. It wasn't any one racial joke or mean-spirited comment that turned me off. But I began to feel more uncomfortable, even sick inside. I stopped listening and realized it felt good to stop.

And now his name-calling career has finally caught up with him.

Imus's remarks are insulting and degrading to women and to African Americans. But even more basic, they're insulting to all people. We shouldn't stand for this or any kind of name calling. Banning name calling from our lives and not standing for it in the relationships we have and the media we consume is a small, yet strong step toward raising our common denominator.

There are many ways to decrease the poison in our daily lives. We can all start by becoming aware of the names that get called in our homes and other close relationships. And we can put a stop to it. Trust me, it will feel good.

one doodle at a time

How can I practice learn, share, grow with my child?

How can I make my time spent with him more meaningful for both of us?

How can I invest in the moment and reap the benefits of a deeper, richer relationship in the future?

I can begin by thinking about my relationship with my child as a loving transaction. What can I give to them that will enrich both of our lives?

I'm not talking about toys. Not a raise in allowance. The great singer-songwriter Greg Brown says it best in his song "If you don't get it at home" from the album Further In:

children they don't need a lot of stuff
children sure do need a lot of love
they need love to give them pride
to make them feel real good inside
if they don't get it at home they're going to go looking

You like it when your kids draw pictures for you?
Draw a picture for them.

You like to see your kids reading?
Let them catch you reading.

You like it when your kids tell you about their day?
Tell them something positive about your day.

It's simple, clear, direct and loving.

Apply the principles of learn, share, grow and raise the common denominator in your life one doodle, one family reading night, one shared story at a time.