We've had a rule in our home since my wife and I married, even before our son was born. It's a simple rule: no name calling. It doesn't matter if we're talking to each other or about someone else -- we will not call names.
It's not as if the name itself is hurtful -- though it can be. It's the intention behind the name or label. It's also the residual effect of name calling on both the person calling names and the one being labeled.
If I go through our relationship calling you "stupid," "ugly," "dumb," or any other commonly tossed-about label, you may start to feel that something is wrong with you. And as the name caller, I become emboldened by your acceptance of my negative behavior. I may start to call you names more often. The names may change and become more negative. I may feel like I can do other types of damage to your self image or even your person.
Name calling creates poison energy in our homes, our schools and our community. Not to mention society at large. Just ask Don Imus.
Years ago I used to listen to his radio program, often enthralled by the political and literary discussions. But in between all the engaging discourse, I'd hear his coarse humor, often targeting women and minorities and cringe. It wasn't any one racial joke or mean-spirited comment that turned me off. But I began to feel more uncomfortable, even sick inside. I stopped listening and realized it felt good to stop.
And now his name-calling career has finally caught up with him.
Imus's remarks are insulting and degrading to women and to African Americans. But even more basic, they're insulting to all people. We shouldn't stand for this or any kind of name calling. Banning name calling from our lives and not standing for it in the relationships we have and the media we consume is a small, yet strong step toward raising our common denominator.
There are many ways to decrease the poison in our daily lives. We can all start by becoming aware of the names that get called in our homes and other close relationships. And we can put a stop to it. Trust me, it will feel good.